Do These Jeans Make My Vuh Jay Look Fat?

20 Jul

I’m not a fashion guru. You won’t see me reaching “vintage” for leisure suits either. -spit-

I just wanted to do a PSA for the general public.


This shit has GOT to stop. If you don’t have enough material to cover your ankles in jeans, they’re too short. You need a longer inseam.


(not from designer exshitonaire iO but looks the same)

Just when we though iO couldn’t ride the Amber Heard (Thanks to Depp gravy train) she tries her hand at jeans. You know -unisex jeans.  IF these jeans say anything about sex, it’s that you won’t be getting any.  Her next miraculous must have design for jeans will no doubt be along the lines of this:


These are designed to hide your parachutic labia. No doubt her “muse” was Amber Heard. Get your pair in the future for a little less than what it would cost to have your labia redesigned by an actual plastic surgeon. Your choice made affordable by iO Toilet.

Between iO’s ugly jeans, and Raquel out selling peaceful anal beads at the flea market, I’d say business sucks. Good thing those jeans are short after all, it’ll come in handy for the twat squad when they will wading through the bullshit they’ve thrown down.  Catch phrase for advertising must read, “Be Prepared”



42 Responses to “Do These Jeans Make My Vuh Jay Look Fat?”

  1. Sherilyn July 21, 2016 at 12:09 am #

    2nd picture is for hiding that “black dildo” she-devil talked about .

    • sad for jd July 21, 2016 at 3:56 pm #


  2. Brenda M Clemons July 21, 2016 at 1:09 am #

    Both the beads and the jeans look like they came from Walmart. The beads I’m pretty sure I could go to Walmart right now and buy the supplies for about $3.00. Same thing with the jeans. I was given a pair of jeans rolled up from the bottom. They came from Walmart. This was 4 years ago so iO is so far behind in her fashion sense that even Walmart has her beat. As a side note, I will be burning those jeans tomorrow.

  3. aquagirl10009 July 21, 2016 at 1:13 am #

    Gender Neutral Denim? LMFAO. The article actually compares toilet to a “cross between James Dean & Annie Lennox”. Are they f***ing kidding me? James was and Annie is gorgeous! Also, toilet is only 30. I was thinking he or she was pushing 60 from all of the photos I’ve seen.

    Elle: another magazine to boycott for publishing this ridiculous bullshit. But maybe first I’ll write a letter to the editor about toilet being the lying sack of shit that she is.

    • Chelle July 21, 2016 at 9:16 am #

      Imagine all the brainless twats who will be rushing out to buy a pair of these jeans because Elle told them to. It’s comical. It’s probably why Amber has been photographed wearing nothing but these damn jeans in every single recent photo.

      • Monkee July 21, 2016 at 11:35 am #

        Amber is wearing those jeans because she is trying out homeless chic, seeing she might be homeless after she has to move out of Johnny’s condo

        • Andy July 21, 2016 at 2:13 pm #

          Gotta get use to it if the butt heads don’t work. Might as well sport the attire. AH is counting on iOS jeans and Raquel’s
          Beads to support her.

          • sad for jd July 21, 2016 at 4:00 pm #

            I wish her luck cause neither of them will do well..

  4. Jo32 July 21, 2016 at 3:46 am #

    LOL, great start of the day. Thanks!

  5. Noni July 21, 2016 at 4:42 am #

    Hahahaha I read this inspired piece of writing at the start of the day and am now going to spend the rest of it reading it out to people. It’s brilliant!

  6. Pennywise July 21, 2016 at 5:02 am #

    I literally gagged at the second pair of jeans. YUCK!
    AMBER Turd probably started salivating!

  7. Ps July 21, 2016 at 5:30 am #

    She did it for embarrassment? She knows not sell, even using divorce as attractive.

  8. Sunshine July 21, 2016 at 5:58 am #

    Well, the article in ELLE is the most ridiculous thing I’ve read in a long time. And looking at the pictures….does “it” think wearing a denim jacket and jeans is a new fashion?

    Welcome to the ’70’s, been there done that and as far as gender neutral jeans, they can shove them where the sun don’t shine. As a woman…they sound very uncomfortable to wear.

    Quote from the article in ELLE
    “Gender-neutral patterns proved to be one of the most technically difficult design projects Kaeding had ever tackled. “You wouldn’t believe how incredibly hard it was to figure out how to scale the fit,” he says.”

    Yes I would believe that it would be difficult, possibly because man and women have completely different shapes. Don’t have to be a genius to figure that one out…..smh

  9. Ps July 21, 2016 at 6:42 am #

    Here in Brazil, we fold the pants to jump the swamp or flood. These pants here I would turn floor cloth ..

  10. July 21, 2016 at 7:43 am #

    Io aka waldo was better on the shitter and yes you look as bad as your fake as your jeans i will go by my waders now because the shits getting deeper

  11. Minnie1 July 21, 2016 at 8:25 am #

    Artists and fleas?? Do we really need to speculate who is which one???

    And since we all love a good old fashioned, hard working person rising to the top and making good on their own sort of story, take a look at the following. Are there any dots that can be connected here?

    Johnny Depp, the actor whose quirky roles have many calling him a one-trick pony, is delving into a new artistic realm: book publishing. He’ll be launching Infinitum Nihil (“Nothing is forever”), a new imprint of Harper Collins, early next year.

    And now:

    Darling Days: A Memoir Hardcover – Sep 27 2016
    by iO Tillett Wright (Author)

    Product Details
    • Hardcover: 400 pages
    • Publisher: Ecco (Sept. 27 2016)
    • Language: English

    Ecco: (Imprint of HarperCollins Publishers)

    • Andy July 21, 2016 at 2:05 pm #

      I’ll pass on dumpy fays, thanks

  12. Judy Latty July 21, 2016 at 8:57 am #

    I’m sorry, but I think she/he is a freak!

    • sad for jd July 21, 2016 at 4:10 pm #

      Ditto. ..those jeans are hideous. The second pair looks like post pregnancy pants or post kick in crotch pants…either way they look terrible and can’t image walking around with a huge piece of fabric between my legs. ..what a joke.

  13. Chelle July 21, 2016 at 9:23 am #

    Why do jeans need to be gender neutral? Isn’t denim, by default, already gender neutral? Pretty sure both men and women have been able to buy jeans for quite awhile now. What’s the point in having one pair to fit both sexes? Isn’t finding a pair of jeans that fits challenging enough? I feel like I must be missing something here.

    • Andy July 21, 2016 at 2:07 pm #

      I’ll help you. (IO is stupid and wants fame) lol

      • Chelle July 21, 2016 at 2:15 pm #

        Oh, of course. I don’t speak stupid, so that’s probably why I didn’t get it right away. Thanks Andy!!

        • Andy July 21, 2016 at 2:19 pm #

          Lol no you don’t, thankfully

    • babaloo July 21, 2016 at 2:49 pm #

      umm, come on people, Levis 501’s are the original “gender neutral”… anything to make a buck I guess

      • sad for jd July 21, 2016 at 4:15 pm #

        Agree babaloo, there have been many gender neutral jeans… IO thinks she’s a trail blazer.

  14. Strider July 21, 2016 at 11:21 am #

    The second jeans look like there´s a dipper full of shit hanging in there, really so unflattering for any type of body, man or woman!

  15. Monkee July 21, 2016 at 11:33 am #

    Those jeans designs are hilarious. I wonder what Anna Wintour would say, probably “don’t quit your day job”, but then again iO doesn’t have one

  16. Wendy July 21, 2016 at 12:30 pm #

    Mother denim makes very nice and expensive jeans. This is actually rather sad that they’ve taken on iO to design their jeans. Gender neutral jeans make little sense. There are boyfriend jeans, skinny jeans, straight leg, relax, etc. It’s just a fact that men and women have different anatomy. I don’t see the point of these jeans. Mother Denim, what the heck are you thinking?!!!

  17. KO July 21, 2016 at 12:36 pm #

    Andy, you’ve excelled yourself with this post – I burst out laughing when I read it. IO Twitlett’s jeans would only be suitable for someone who has to wear incontinence pads. In fact, the jeans make the wearer look like they’ve shit themselves!

    Maybe Amber Turd wears her jeans so often to send out a message to IO that she still loves her so much.

    Who on earth is desperate enough to buy Raquel’s horrible jewellery? It’s not exactly straight out of Tiffany’s.

    I get the distinct impression that Amber’s friends don’t have a pot to piss in which is why they all jumped on the Depp bandwagon.

    Can someone remind me of the story of Amber’s engagement ring. I am right in saying that she got more than one?

    • Andy July 21, 2016 at 2:18 pm #


  18. KO July 21, 2016 at 2:55 pm #

    Andy, would you expand please on the engagement ring episode or is there a link somewhere I can read ? I am not sure if I recall that she didn’t like the first one, or it wasn’t expensive enough (there were so many warning signs about this woman like she had a neon sign on her head saying ‘DANGER’) I remember Johnny wearing a female engagement ring on his finger at one point.

    • Andy July 21, 2016 at 4:01 pm #

      yeah the one he wore was the one she didn’t like, the huge one is the one she worse most of the time

    • Andy July 21, 2016 at 4:02 pm #

      Neither one were her size. Always wondered why he didn’t know her size.

      • Sherilyn July 21, 2016 at 5:32 pm #

        Ya know, if my husband had gone out and picked me a ring, I don’t care how little or how big, I would have proudly worn it if it had hair-liped the Pope.

        • Andy July 21, 2016 at 6:03 pm #


  19. July 21, 2016 at 4:18 pm #

    That second pair is just plain hideous! Better know as the gigantic labia jeans. The first pair look dirty and aren’t must better. Unisex jeans are dumb. I don’t want to wear jeans my husband would, nor do I want him to wear my jeans.

  20. Sherilyn July 21, 2016 at 5:26 pm #

    The best era for jeans were us flower children, hip huggers, bell bottom. We bleached them out , frayed the hems, and put peace, love patches on them.
    iO, we really don’t need a pair of jeans to tell us you are gender unidentifiable, we got it.

    • Andy July 21, 2016 at 6:03 pm #

      AMEN. Back to good times.

  21. KO July 21, 2016 at 6:30 pm #

    I am also sick of the sight of the pair of black slip on mules that Amber Turd wears with her ghastly jeans. I hate the sight of the woman full stop.

  22. Nobody July 21, 2016 at 7:30 pm #

    2nd jeans pic: cow udder. Great for those who like to milk their spouses of all their cash.

    Group pic: iontoilet still mooching off Depp with the guy in brown jacket, who seems to be standing next to Whitey Bulger’s real gf circa 2016. Nothing original.

  23. LilyS July 21, 2016 at 11:15 pm #

    I have no clue why she thinks those short jeans look good-all they do is emphasize her enormous feet, and ugly style of shoe (probably because that’s all that are available in a size men’s 11) which are always splayed out in weird contortionist positions-if I had huge flippers like those Ronald McDonald clown feet of hers I’d wear long flares to cover them up. Just a personal opinion.

Comments are closed.

%d bloggers like this: