To Cleanse

29 Jun



You bet. Few things are more  difficult than coming through a dark time, and shedding all the negative, oppressing, “shit” for lack of a more professional word here.  Eyes wide open to see the absolute fuckery that went on, the things you let take hold….and the things done to you by whatever “force’ around you. At the same time, you feel it. IT. It’s trying to claw it’s way through the hurt, and anger, and disbelief. It is Freedom. The feeling of freedom. It pushes us. It’s entwined with hope.


Everyone has heard how it’s a great thing. Purge your body of toxins. Detox, diet, exercise, but what about purging toxins from the mind, and spirit. That’s a journey much more difficult than a 12 step program, or a 10 day no read meat detox.

Johnny doesn’t just need to detox from physical poisons. He needs to purge the negative energy around himself. It appears the first step is in motion. 1. Remove Chupacabra. Great. It must be done with any, and every person who are negatively charged around him. Else he risks falling into the same ol same ol.  You can’t help a drowning victim by drowning with them.

Many of us have a need, and desire to help others. That’s all well, and good but our own self needs to be able to raise them up instead of being swallowed by their negativity. It’s too easy to get sucked into their darkness. We have to be aware, and we can’t do that when we’re swimming in our own funk. Again, you can’t help a drowning victim by drowning with them.

Johnny has a journey ahead of him. Did you know  when people detox their bodies they can feel ill, or look sick, or worn out for a time? It also happens when we detox, and purge our spiritual, or energy side. Depp once stated the he became ill after taking on a character for a role. It took time to clear that energy out. We can take on aspects, and energy that we draw to ourselves. Healing CAN make you feel ill. When we get a cold, or the flu our bodies kick in, and healing starts, but we usually feel worse before we get better.

A shift must occur. All the stagnant, slow energy causing blockages not only physically, but mentally, and emotionally must be cleared away. It’s not an overnight process. Everyone of us have done this to some degree. Getting over a bad relationship, grieving a loved one lost, physical illnesses, addictions, or just a life change to a more positive mental outlook.

Negative energy/people etc affect us. We notice something is “off” we don’t look well, our decisions are affected, it’s a downward spiral.

We are all responsible for our own self.

Johnny has his own journey. Each of us do. The break in his relationship with Amber Heard is just one thing to start the healing process. There are other things to be done. I have faith he can, will, and HAS begun this process. It starts with taking ownership back. Letting go of everything that has a negative influence or effect on your life, and cancelling out every negative thought, and behavior that has kept you down.

Peace. Stillness.

“Man is free at the moment he wishes to be.” -Voltaire






35 Responses to “To Cleanse”

  1. Tgirl June 29, 2016 at 7:05 pm #

    Well said Andy. I hope he does get rid of the people and things that will prevent this from happening.

    It will take time but I believe after this mess is over he eventually will get back to a better place where he was before the she devil entered his life and find peace again. Better days are ahead for sure.

  2. katedruana June 29, 2016 at 7:11 pm #

    Wonderfully written piece, Andy. I couldn’t agree more. Johnny IS cleansing and looking and sounding better for it. His eyes are more alert and his voice more focused and stable. He looks like he’s hurting and rather gaunt but like you said that is part of the detoxing process. He is FREE and he is beginning anew. Bless him! May love and light AND music surround him as he moves forward into his New Life. 🙂

  3. linda June 29, 2016 at 7:15 pm #

    I’m still in the process you’ve just written about. Mostly grief. Loss of both parents within 2 years. My husband left to live with the woman he’s been having a 3 year affair with. My 2 children reached their majority and one by one, they moved out and away. All this within 4 years. Most days I’m not sure if I’m grieving or just feeling abandoned. Which do I grieve first? For 2 years now I’ve struggled with this. I never go out except to the market/pharmacy. If I I can’t purchase what I need there I just do without it. I don’t sleep more than 2 hours a night. STOP! I know what Johnny Depp is feeling is all I’m saying. He won’t recover fully if he has a good heart. And we all know that he does. Thanks for reading.

    • Andy June 29, 2016 at 7:30 pm #

      You deal with them each Linda and if you feel its too much to deal with by yourself you gt someone to talk to. We do grief work and yes it’s work on our own but we don’t have be constantly alone. I would look up some info on google about grief and letting go ( you may have already) but search around and find a forum at the very least, and find someone to talk with. whoever that might be.

    • Sherilyn June 29, 2016 at 7:57 pm #

      Oh, Linda, I am so sorry that all these things are happening to you. Stay strong, hugs.

    • PennyForYourThought June 29, 2016 at 8:23 pm #

      Linda, you seem to have more than your fair share to deal with that is more than one can handle. Sorry that you have to go through so much. Please take care and as Andy stated, reach out to groups that are going through similar issues. There’s a lot of information on the internet and also too there’s support groups which you can access from your home computer and not leave home. Each day try and do something for yourself that you enjoy, that brings you joy. Don’t be too tough on yourself and take one day at a time. 🙂

    • GQ June 29, 2016 at 10:46 pm #

      Sorry Linda. That is a lot to deal with. I think Andy and others gave some great advice but I’ll just chime in and say we are ALL human…even Johnny. Of course circumstances can get the best of our emotions. But in the end we need to do what Andy says and detox plus love ourselves. That’s the hardest lesson for most of us. (Except Amber – lol).

    • cougar tits June 30, 2016 at 6:42 am #

      Also sitting in sunlight can also be amazingly healing. Getting back to nature. Taking off shoes and feeling the earth under your feet.

      I know it’s not easy, but if you can try and focus on the good things you do have in your life. The morning cup of coffee, a favourite song, a smile from a friend. What I do know is that change is the only constant, it will get better. (After the long winter comes the spring).

      I believe us humans have amazing powers of regeneration, we are often much more resilient than we ever thought possible.

      be kind to yourself

    • JL June 30, 2016 at 7:10 am #


      I am so glad you wrote this… The part about I do not know if I am grieving or just feeling abandoned… I know that exact feeling. In Jan of last year, I lost my aunt followed by my mother in May. She was my best friend and as she was dying… My heart felt like it was dying. She was my little sweet pea. I started caring for my aunt her sister but cancer took her in August as well.

      All the people that mattered the most were all gone and all in one year. I akin it like being in a village and you leave to tend a garden and come back and everyone has moved and you cannot go where they have went.

      I burst into tears just from little things that make me think of her. Grief can be a horrible black hole. Even going on and going out can feel fake. Up until May, each day I would say it has now been X number of days since she left. I forced myself to stop that because it was torturing me.

      When this happened to Depp right at the time his mother died, I hurt for him. He has obligations as do I but it is like putting one lead foot in front of the other. When I see his pictures, I can see it in his eyes.

      I feel for you. The only thing I can say is you have to force yourself to go out. I wanted to lay down and let it take me. It feels so fake like you are a shell moving around but each day the numbness and pain breaks and you feel happiness for a moment interacting with others.

      I do not have more than this because I am still in the process and not sure when I will truly feel happy again. It is a roller coaster.

      I spoke with a grief counselor for over two months last year. I realized that only time heals the greatest of wounds. At least I hope it does.

      Hugs to you.

  4. Sherilyn June 29, 2016 at 7:47 pm #

    His first love, music, will help to heal him. He said he missed puberty learning the guitar. The tour coming up will be great for him. He must already feel freedom, freedom from nagging and controlling and trying to make her happy. A narcissist is never satisfied. They always want more, trying to suck the life out of you. It will take longer concerning his Mom. The range of emotions you go thru is unbelievable. I lost my Mom in Aug. of last year , and I am just now to the point of not crying everyday . Great post Andy, thanks. BTW, finding Jambernews has helped me thru my mourning, TY.

    • linda June 29, 2016 at 9:21 pm #

      Sherilyn, I’m sorry about your mom. There’s not a day that I’ve not cried and missed mine since she passed in April 2013. I am an only child and she was always my best friend.

  5. June 29, 2016 at 7:48 pm #

    It tajes so long to get rid of evil become a better person been there done that too Andy that was amazing post than k s again

  6. Jonathan Shaw June 29, 2016 at 7:56 pm #

    This is the introduction by Lydia Lunch to my book, Narcisa – Our Lady of Ashes. The same book, ironically, that JD published on his imprint with Harper-Collins.

    You can’t save anyone from themselves. You will lose everything by attempting to play savior. You will never heal the wounded. You cannot repair the damage already done by selfish parents, vicious ex-lovers, child molesters, tyrants, poverty, depression or simple chemical imbalance.

    You can’t undo psychic wounds, bandage old scars, kiss away ancient bruises. You can’t make the pain go away. You can’t shout down the voices in other people’s heads. You can’t make anyone feel special. They will never feel beautiful enough, no matter how beautiful they are to you. They will never feel loved enough, no matter how much you adore them.

    You will never be able to save the battered from battling back at a world they’ve grown to hate. They will always find a way to pick up where the bullies have left off. They will in turn become bullies. They will turn you into the enemy. They will always find a new method in which to punish themselves, thereby punishing you.
    No matter how much you’ve convinced yourself that you have done absolutely everything in your power to prove your undying devotion, unfaltering commitment and unending encouragement, you will never be able to save a miserable bastard (or bitch) from their self.

    The wounded will always find a way to spread their pain over a vast terrain, like an emotional tsunami that devastates the surrounding landscape; an ever-expanding firewall that will singe everything and everyone in its wake. The longer you love a damaged person, the more it will hurt you.

    They will mock your generosity, abuse your kindness, expect your forgiveness, try your patience, sap your energy and eventually murder your soul. They will not be happy until you are as miserable as they are. Then their incredible self-loathing will be justified by the perpetuation of a cycle from which there is little recourse.
    Once you enter their free fall, it will be virtually impossible to turn your back on them. You will be racked with guilt, frustrated by your own impotence, and made furious for ever buying into their shit in the first place. Of course the more damaged, the more charismatic, the more brilliant. The more sexually intoxicating. The more dangerous to your own mental health.

    Love is a battlefield, a land-mine, a slaughterhouse, a refugee camp, a whorehouse, an insane asylum, a prison; a purgatory of abusive repetition rippling off into infinity; a twisted funhouse mirror that mimics Dante’s Nine Circles of Hell. A place where the lonely souls of the eternally damned dance a wicked dervish steeped in the desperation of those determined to throw themselves deep into the pit of a flaming volcano, seeking a baptism of fire, in search of paradise, nirvana, heaven, a return to the Garden from which they have and always will be banished.

    Jonathan Shaw’s Narcisa – Our Lady of Ashes is a heartbreaking tome of diseased lust which oozes a tortured poetry of bloody sweat and sperm; a grotesquely beautiful love song steeped in the perpetual twilight horror of an unbearable trauma bond. An Odyssey in which the twin Furies of Addiction and Codependency bitch-slap you with a big dick whose own insatiable hunger attempts to feast again and again. And in return it feeds back to the victim-turned- victimizer a mad love, an overwhelming sex magick magnet to the darkest forces of our own primordial essence.

    Narcisa is mandatory reading for anyone who has ever been fucked up, fucked over or fucked with to their very core in a fit of possession; anyone who’s been blindsided by love and lust and shackled by passion to a lowlife scum-sucking junkie vampire whose devastating beauty and raw animal magnetism painted them as Dark Angel and Ancient Mystic — a purifying fire-breathing flesh-eating demon, whose warpath and wrath against the world and everything in it, by some twisted kink in our own psyche, became the tortured path we willingly spiraled into, in search of our own redemption, in the desperate hope of saving our mirrored reflection from the bottomless pit of love’s eternal negation.

    —Lydia Lunch

    Sound familiar?

    • Andy June 29, 2016 at 10:36 pm #

      You BET it does. Thanks for posting that so that others who haven’t read it, understand just how “eerie” the similarities are.

    • GQ June 29, 2016 at 10:50 pm #

      Jonathan, you have a lovely way with language. I’m a writer so I really appreciate the nuances.

  7. Judy Latty June 29, 2016 at 8:35 pm #

    Hmmmm? Let’s guess…….

  8. Marika June 29, 2016 at 8:49 pm #

    I did this when I left my violent ex husband, fled with just my kids and my art lost everything and had to start again. He ruined me though before I’ve said this before on comments here, he severely damaged my back, lost my 7 year job because of my injury. One extremely hard push changed my life and my kids lives. One son had a nervous breakdown eventually, and my other his son who saw all the bad violence has major mental health problems bordering on agoraphobia he is 16 and won’t leave his room.
    I can never be truely healed and my body and mind crave my active and healthy life I had.
    I got to meet Johnny though, I am a survivor I concentrated on the only thing he didn’t take from me my art and over the past few years got really good at it, I’ve drawn Johnny over 50 times now, I gave Johnny a book of drawings I did of him when I met him and told him my story.
    He has helped me a lot just through drawing him he is my happy place.
    I really hope he is ok and can get through this ok, we are here for him, I hope he knows that. Leaving a narcissist is hell he will be so much better for it.

    • Lisa June 30, 2016 at 5:48 am #

      Marika I believe I saw a vid on youtube of you giving him the book. Looked like a really special meeting and I was pleased he spent lots of time with you. Well done lady you’ve come such a long way. x

      • LZ June 30, 2016 at 10:59 am #

        That’s very nice of JD to do. 🙂

    • LZ June 30, 2016 at 11:10 am #

      Thank you for sharing your story, Marika. Hope you continue to thrive in your healing and recovery. His meeting you could be one of the many reasons why he takes time to meet and greet his fans. Doing so enables him to show his gratefulness, to draw strength, and to continue being happy with what he’s doing because he’s touching lives.

      Carry on, Marika. 🙂

  9. cougar tits June 29, 2016 at 9:03 pm #

    Excellent post Andy. I know from experience that negative energy is a very real and tangible force that can have a very destructive effect on us.

    For those with an open mind (and struggling to ‘let go’ on an ethereal level) I recommend a visual exercise from a book called:

    ‘Cutting the ties that Bind’ (Phyllis Krystal)

    Also it’s a good idea to protect yourself from any negative energy coming in.

    You can visualise a ‘shield made of white light’ around you, or ask that ‘any energy that does not belong to you, be returned to it’s rightful owner’. There are many ways, it’s just a matter really of what feels right.

    I know my own NPD journey later become one of deep and profound spiritual transformation-

    Lots of people are going through this now, it’s happening on a mass scale. We are seeing how we have been duped and controlled. Our realities are getting smashed, we are waking up and it isn’t pretty. The old city must fall, so a new city can be built (on rock’n’roll! haha)

    I believe this is why everything is so chaotic!

    Anyway, sorry- didn’t mean to get too woo woo – just tools I found helpful that other might as well.

    • Sherilyn June 29, 2016 at 10:04 pm #

      I agree about the negative energy. I believe if negativity is dwelled upon and spoken about that it can be spoken into existence, and will surround you.

    • Andy June 29, 2016 at 10:38 pm #

      Thanks cougar.

  10. linda June 29, 2016 at 9:07 pm #

    linda’s 2ND POST:

    I’ve tried everything suggested here. Thanks you. And I’m being sincere.

    • cougar tits June 29, 2016 at 9:35 pm #

    • Andy June 29, 2016 at 10:39 pm #

      The main this is never give up. Ever.

    • LZ June 30, 2016 at 1:14 am #

      You’ve probably tried meditation, Linda (and to Sherilyn and others who are going through healing and recovery). I’d like to add listening to subliminal frequency music/sound and mantras. There are many to choose from on YouTube, but do read on the comments so that you’d have an idea how many people have found a particular subliminal frequency or mantra useful and effective. The process has been helping me bit by bit, as I’ve started just a few weeks ago.

      Also, a friend once told me that whenever she feels terribly lonely, she talks to her deceased mother, imagining that she’s just sitting next to her and that they’re hugging each other. She said that every time she does that, she’d feel much better. She’s an only child, too.

      Hope these suggestions help.

      Godspeed, Linda, Sherilyn, and everyone (and yes, that also goes to the atheists among us).

  11. Sherilyn June 29, 2016 at 9:56 pm #

    My mother was narcissistic and I turned around and married my first husband, who also was narcissistic, because you marry what you know. My father died when I was 11, so I had only my mother for comparison. Finally, I woke up, took my son, walked out the door with only the clothes on our backs. First you have to come to terms with admitting that narcissism is a mental disorder. Not being a narcissist, your mind will never have the answers to the “whys”. Never. You realize that they have the problem, not you. Time, distance, and taking care of yourself, are the healing factors . Getting involved in the things that are interesting to you again, finding who you are is the key. NOT the person the narcissistic was trying to create and destroy. There is never a complete cleanse, but with determination, you can surely wash some of it away.

  12. Sherilyn June 29, 2016 at 10:27 pm #

    Everyday is a gift. I choose to be happy and enjoy everyday . I cannot change the past, I can only change today , and today will be better than yesterday. I choose. Prayers for everyone. G’night

  13. overundersidewaysdown June 29, 2016 at 10:31 pm #

    The only explanation for AH behavior is malignant narcissism. Why else would you plan something and be so near the big pay off only to blow everything in a fit of narcissistic rage? She could have very easily played the sympathetic wife after JD mothers death and she could then have walked away with whatever she was legally due. Because he did not immediately give in to her demands she apparently sustained a grievous narcissistic injury which resulted in a tornado of narcissistic rage. There is nothing more frightening than that type of rage. I believe he does need to heal even thought their relationship was short there certainly was a lot of trauma. If Alice Coopers comment is any indication what he does have is self discipline. I understand his need for silence, that in and of itself provides a space for healing. AH’s lack of self discipline is her Achilles heel.

    Andy your writing is wonderful and I think helps lift the whole community to a higher plane of communication.

  14. Sherilyn June 29, 2016 at 10:52 pm #

    Over under: My family doctor gave me a good explanation of both my mother and first husband. Small town, he knew them both. It fits AH to a tee. Narcissistic personalities with “obsessive, possessive, destructive” syndromes. They see something they want , they obsessive until they possess it and then they try to destroy it.

    • overundersidewaysdown June 30, 2016 at 12:00 am #

      Thanks for that information. Your description is very good and very true. I have had more than my share of narcissists in my life. They don’t just want to win they want to annihilate you. I still don’t understand the overwhelming need to destroy.

  15. usnpup June 29, 2016 at 11:28 pm #

    The breach of trust I would think would be difficult to recover from. Johnny seems to be very careful about who he allows into his inner circle but once you’re there you would be loyally protected by him. Scumber weaseled her way into that innermost circle by fraud and deception. He opened his heart and his home to her and her parasite friends, his island, his home in France, etc. Then she began pushing Johnny at every turn to choose her over everyone and everything else he held dear. She tried to drive a wedge between him and his family members. Then the ultimate betrayal of filing for divorce 2 days after his mother’s death followed by unfathomable accusations of abuse, selling her “story and photos” to tabloids, Johnny’s worst nightmare to be made a public spectacle. I think he is doing remarkably well under the circumstances. It will take him quite some time to untangle fact from fiction and process everything he’s been through emotionally and physically. It is a good thing he has built a strong support system of long-term friends and family who will never abandon him no matter how alienated Scumber was attempting to make them feel. I don’t think he will suffer any permanent damage despite Scumber’s best efforts. Thank goodness he has music and the Hollywood Vampires!

    • LZ June 30, 2016 at 2:25 am #

      He’d still face the same accusations from people who dislike him and believe AH’s story even after their divorce and even after the DV allegations are proven false. Worse is that his children have to deal with those unfounded criticisms, too. It’ll take much emotional and psychological strength from their part to ignore the haters.

      Though it’ll prolong his battle with AH, I do hope JD sues her for defamation/slander, if only to redeem his name by legal means; it’s also for the sake of his kids’.

  16. Brita beseth June 30, 2016 at 2:04 am #

    I love your blog, Andy! I love all of the commentators too! I will add my thoughts soon

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