The Devil Wins

4 Feb

This post is inspired from commenters around the internet:

Two Wedding ceremonies…one person wants to know if he washed his hair for the first wedding or if he’s waiting for the second…

You know what? I am laughing so hard at people’s comments let me just copy and paste from Dlisted.

Well, you can officially start placing bets in the Johnny Depp and Amber Heard divorce pool, because these two are now married for real. Since I’m a believer in true love and can see that Johnny and Amber are always exuding rainbow-wrapped happiness when they’re together (see: picture above), I’m going to say that their break up date will be the 20th of NEVER. Or the week before her next movie opens. Either or.

What do you think?

Seen above looking like a constipated Mr. Peanut and Vintage Barbie, Johnny Depp and Amber Heard got married at his house in L.A. yesterday. E! News EXCLUSIVELY confirms it and that’s celebrity website talk for “Amber’s publicist told us.” The human gas station gift shop scarf tree and his young bride are going to get married again in a wedding on his private island in the Bahamas this weekend. The 51-year-old Fighting The Hot Grand Champion and 28-year-old Amber got engaged around the holidays in 2012. This is his second time being married and it’s her first. UsWeekly has a few riveting details:

What do you think?

An insider tells Us that the bride and groom married at Depp’s West Hollywood home on Tuesday, Feb. 3. They will next jet off to his private island in the Bahamas for a second service. ”It will be a really simple ceremony,” a source previously told Us of the tropical getaway. “Things are in a great place with them.”

What do you think?

I don’t know why they got married yesterday if they’re going to get married again this weekend. I’m guessing it’s a legal thing. Or they’re just greedy. Or one of them wanted to make it legal before the other one wakes up from their pill-induced haze and changes their mind. You decided which is which.

What do you think?

Congratulations to these two messes. Here’s to more pictures of them looking like Victorian mourners at a funeral.

Great article, but the comments!  LMFAO  One commenter left this picture entitled “Amber with Johnny’s kids”

Here’s another comment:

Congrats to Amber for fulfilling your gold-digging and famewhoring goals!

As for Johnny…

Another:

I have a lot of feelings about this..wait a second, ahh! That’s better

LOL

“She’s going for the gold! Johnny just signed his death certificate!”

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7 Responses to “The Devil Wins”

  1. denise207 February 5, 2015 at 1:23 am #

    Hoping it’s just gossip.. But two of the devils friends ha just arrived at Nassau a bahamas Island that depp just to fly to before taking the boat to his Island.. iO and her girlfriends has posted pic on instagram

  2. sol February 5, 2015 at 5:14 am #

    Johnny Depp has become Johnny Dead

  3. INTOHIM February 5, 2015 at 2:57 pm #

    This reminds me of the movie King Kong.During the last minute or so of the movie, after Kong was killed, someone said that it was BEAUTY THAT KILLED THE BEAST!!! WHAT A METAPHOR FOR JOHNNY!!! THIS HOMEWRECKING FAME WHORE WILL ULTIMATELY DESTROY HIM TOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT A PITY.

  4. the view from here February 5, 2015 at 4:26 pm #

    It’s more than likely true. His poor kids!
    Gold-digger Heard is an easy target and probably deserves every bit of criticism, but I give him more credit than others do. I bet he knows exactly what he’s doing and doesn’t give a flying F*&^K about much anymore. Being a fan of Johnny Depp was a nice ride these past 20 years, but this is where I get off that train. He’s told the world how he views his life with her going forward and how he wants us to see it too: “To hell in a handbag”. Indeed.

  5. Maria Bellofiore Waters February 6, 2015 at 5:34 pm #

    Johnny your smart….so you must be blind…. feel sorry for your kids…family…finances…..she is going to take everything from you so better wake the hell up!!!!

  6. Lara February 9, 2015 at 4:51 pm #

    He’s been thinking with the lower head. What else can explain his blindness spell?

    • jambernews February 9, 2015 at 6:36 pm #

      Um no, judging from the photos of him looking miserable, what man who is getting pussy of any kind looks that sad, miserable, and dejected? None. He isn’t and hasn’t been getting the goods from her. That’s a fantasy of young fans “they’re so in love ♥♥♥” “we ship them!” They can fuck right off, star struck and blind.

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