Dating someone who loves Ayn Rand

8 Sep


ayn rand

Look. To be fair, I have dated plenty of people who casually like Ayn Rand. I date a bunch of people who do not really read a lot, and The Fountainhead is the kind of book that people who do not read a lot sometimes throw up as evidence that they read a ton. If you follow it up with “what do you like about her?” and they take a moment and say “how the ending… was like a comic book?” You’re fine. Go. Date them. Have babies with them. They’re trying. People who don’t read are still people.

But, if they reply, as the 1940′s philosopher of Ayn Rand stated:

“I am done with the monster of ‘we,’ the word of serfdom, of plunder, of misery, falsehood and shame.”

Or, I suppose:

“My philosophy, in essence, is the concept of man as a heroic being, with his own happiness as the moral purpose of his life . . . and reason as his only absolute.”


Because I seriously believe you are going to have problems. For real. I just wrote about this in The New York Post (gonna go to Bergdorf’s again, someday) and in an attempt to be journalistically balanced discovered that Eva Mendes and Angelina Jolie and a bunch of other people are huge fan of Ayn Rand’ philosophy. And, of course, Paul Ryan is.

You know who isn’t? Barack Obama. He essentially says that Ayn Rand is for misunderstood teens.

I mean, specifically he says:

“Ayn Rand is one of those things that a lot of us, when we were 17 or 18 and feeling misunderstood, we’d pick up,” Obama said. “Then, as we get older, we realize that a world in which we’re only thinking about ourselves and not thinking about anybody else, in which we’re considering the entire project of developing ourselves as more important than our relationships to other people and making sure that everybody else has opportunity – that that’s a pretty narrow vision.”

You know who is right about this? Barack Obama. Also, there is no journalistic balance on TheGloss. There are only opinions being shouted.

Look. I don’t hold with the notion that Ayn Rand lovers are necessarily bad in bed, though I think it’s a pretty common argument against dating them.  I think one of the things that make people great in bed is that, at some point during the process, they are in it for their own pleasure (at least insofar as someone having sex with you because of their animalistic lust can be preferable to someone who keeps asking you if everything is working well for you). There’s certainly a place for being motivated by your own desire in bed. Sometimes. Depends. But it can work.

I do want to say that this is not true in Ayn Rand’s books. What happens in Ayn Rand’s books is not rough, kind of cool, animalistic sex. It is rape. Here. This is what happens in The Fountainhead:

She tried to tear herself away from him. The effort broke against his arms that had not felt it. Her fists beat against his shoulders, against his face. He moved one hand, took her two wrists and pinned them behind her, under his arm, wrenching her shoulder blades.…She fell back against the dressing table, she stood crouching, her hands clasping the edge behind her, her eyes wide, colorless, shapeless in terror. He was laughing. There was the movement of laughter on his face, but no sound.…Then he approached. He lifted her without effort. She let her teeth sink into his hand and felt blood on the tip of her tongue. He pulled her head back and he forced her mouth open against his.

Right. That’s rape. Not all people who are into their own pleasure in bed are rapists, obviously, though you should beware of anyone who specifically wants to emulate Ayn Rand’s sex scenes. Because what happens in Ayn Rand’s sex scenes is rape.

But I think that’s a whole different story, and the moral of that story is “don’t sleep with people who are really into the idea of raping people, probably.” Let’s go back to the idea of a long term relationship with Ayn Rand lovers. So.

If you are looking towards the long term, dating an Ayn Rand lover is death. It is doomed. Especially if you have children, because having children means not being able to put your own desires first all the time. Or, at least, not doing that if you don’t want to be an absolutely appalling parent. Do you know what my own desires – removed from the monster of “we” – are? Drinking champagne and eating ice cream sundaes. That’s it, pretty much.

We can quote things like this from the Objectivist dating site the Atlasphere because they seem ridiculous:

I love intelligent, sassy girls, particularly those working in consulting or investment banking (but other fields are great too). Really, nothing is hotter than an accomplished girl in a suit, as long as she is willing to settle down and have my children. I want a girl who will support my ambitions against the naysayers in society.

But I worry we are all crazy in our desires like this. Our totally base selfish desires are always a little ridiculous.

Look, wanting my life to revolve around my hedonistic champagne guzzling and ice cream sundae devouring wouldn’t stop me from being good in bed, really. Hyped up on alcohol and sugar I actually imagine I’d be pretty enthusiastic. It would make me fairly terrible to be around all the time, so it would damage my relationships, but it’s entirely possible I could find someone who wanted to fight the naysayers who say that I cannot have all the champagne and ice cream sundaes. I mean, Hitler had a long-term relationship. That is possible. However, I could not have a child, because a child would entail me not being drunk and in a sugar coma all the time. 

I mean, the child would die. That is what would happen with that, if I were just living for myself. The child would die or be taken away.

In that way, it’s interesting that Ayn Rand’s characters never have children.

It’s also going to be a huge problem when my partner gets old, and sick, and I am going to be the person who takes care of them.

Ayn Rand’s characters never get old or sick.

Because the notion that you can live only for yourself doesn’t hold up when you have a life. 

So, when people say that they love Ayn Rand, I always suspect that they do not think about relationships the way I think of them – namely, that they might lead to something that would entail a certain amount of self sacrifice.

They can have “I.” I’m still in favor of “we.”


6 Responses to “Dating someone who loves Ayn Rand”

  1. p September 8, 2013 at 4:56 am #

    Thank you for of this article you placed in here. Been to much of an issue about Amber-Ayn.
    At one point, even I wondered should to read some of Ayn book.
    Now, when I read these things about what sort of Ayn was, wondering who wants to
    read Ayn Rand. Ie I’ll pass. I also began the imagination to gallop.
    Jolie reads Ayn and Amber wants to be Jolie. I hope that I’m wrong
    what I think.

  2. Bella September 9, 2013 at 3:12 am #

    Ayn Rand is for intellectual wannabees. And self absorbed people who want to justify their own behavior.

  3. Jeffrey Farias September 10, 2013 at 7:48 pm #

    where on the Objectivist dating site are the examples of “hedonistic champagne guzzling and ice cream sundae devouring”, because you obviously know that would not be from an Objectivist

    • jambernews September 10, 2013 at 10:23 pm #

      I would suggest asking the author of the article and taking that link. Maybe be objective about it. Just a suggestion.

      • Jeffrey Farias September 12, 2013 at 12:52 am #

        Being objective would be reading Ayn Rand first hand then you would know that it doesn’t involve mindless hedonism

        • jambernews September 14, 2013 at 5:26 pm #

          I think you need to tell Amber Heard that. She’s the one that is misinformed. LOL

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